i love you.
that is the first thing i want to say, because no matter what, i will always love you. no matter who you are, even if the world doesn't accept you, i will.
the second thing is i apologize if you inherited my generalized anxiety disorder. it sucks. it's going to suck for a long time. it will be hard. your days may get dark. but, i will be by your side. we can get through this together. we'll always communicate, draping our words with love and acceptance.
if a boy or girl comes into your life, can i be the first to know? i hope that whoever this person is doesn't take you for granted. you are a gem. you are valuable. you're worth has no price tag or label. get to know them first. you may fall fast, like me. (if you're an aries too, it's going to be extra hard.) but "guard your heart"; your great-grandmother told me this when i was in college.
if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. i will answer it all. from sexuality to hair color preferences, ask me anything. if you do decide to dye your hair, i would like to know the color. dying your hair neon, doing drugs, and drinking excessive alcohol are the three things i will not tolerate. (no significant others in the house, either. i want you to have your freedom, but you are still my baby.)
you will be born into a family of dysfunction. there is no denying that. but that doesn’t make you any less of a person. as a kid, i felt incomplete because our family is so crazy. but i never want you to feel that way. when we get tired of them, we’ll go to the mountaintops of arizona, eat marshamallows, and laugh together.
i’m going to protect you, with every bone in my body. you will be safe. as you grow, i know my attempts to keep you safe may fail. we may even grow apart. we may crumble. but i will cherish you forever.
i hope you are a bookworm. one of the first books i will read to you will be the fault in our stars by john green—my favorite book of all time. it’s about honesty, bravery, and sacrifice. the second book i will read to you will be all the bright places by jennifer niven. what a lovely book that is. the last book i will read to you is the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky so you can feel infinite. i hope you always feel infinite.
i hope you like pizza, quesadillas, icecream, churros, cinnamon toast crunch bars, and cafes. we'll always chow down together. eat your heart out. eat well.
i think i've said enough. but again, guard your heart.
-love, mom (sap)